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At the golf corpse! Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Always keep learning. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. They have a hard drive. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Oh my God, what have I just said?". Spread your legs a little more. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Wodehouse, 31. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. Dont even putt. Roarin' Mcllroy The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. Required fields are marked *. I'll let you beat me. 3. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. If we . Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. Required fields are marked *. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. no! Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. Two, be your own person. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Whos there? Your second mental problem is concentration. 9. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. 6. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . All of them. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. Your email address will not be published. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? Man: Please dont go. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. 2. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? 7. 1. You must remember not to remember to think. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? If you break 80, watch your business. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. Photo: Shutterstock. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. I was off to-day! Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Your email address will not be published. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? ", My three keys to success: One, work hard. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. 1. Its to move on. You are signed up for our newsletter! I . We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Andy who? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. There are no absolutes in golf. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Wanna be my caddy? Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? About 160 yards was his reply. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. Eight. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. 22. 2. ~ George Bernard Shaw. 3. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. 2. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. Besides that, I love to explore. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" 2. A great shot is when you pull it off. Funny Family Poems. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. You swing left and the ball goes right. Ben Hogan. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Are you looking for some funny jokes? 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. Watch their eyes. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. I know what to look for. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. fodrizzle. He was puttering around. Just tap it in. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. "I'm the best. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. I play Bass. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Required fields are marked *. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. . Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. All through the night they made wild love together. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Happy Gilmore. Or under. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Jack Benny. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. For true success, it matters what our goals are. A dinner without wine. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. You hit down to make the ball go up. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. Golf?! Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. Bruce Lansky, Author. 6. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? The most important shot in golf is the next one. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. Get in the hole! Why are golf and sex so similar? It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Hi there! Why did the golfer have to change his socks? So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. You shot an eight. P.G. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. 4. 8. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. So, I'm on the first tee with him. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? Play golf. The lowest score wins. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? I Am Shuvo Saha. A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. Wodehouse Im the best. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! After 18 holes I can barely walk. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Where is the best place to go on vacation? What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? On the Green In Two. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. And there are windmills. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. And now it will be poisoned for you. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. -Happy Gilmore. Please sign up with your best email address. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. First and foremost, you must have confidence. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Correct one fault at a time. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. What do you call a lion playing golf? Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. course sometime. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. All lip, no hole. Bye Bye Birdie. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Dirty Golf Sayings. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. -Bob Hope The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. Damn, my shaft's all bent. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? He was perfecting his swing. "Golf is like a love affair. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. Your fifth putt. Nothing it should have ducked. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Sawdust City LLC. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Repeat until the ball is in the hole. When your golf cart capsizes. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Is everything okay?. Sir W.G. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Knock, knock Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. 5. Their fore-fathers! Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." Noah who? Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. Your email address will not be published. Find the ball. Lee Trevino, 59. 3. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Do you share these funny golf jokes? Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. 8. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Andy. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Because you got me soaking wet. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. - Bobby Jones Very interesting. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Nuts! You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline.